you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
