I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Randomize
