Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
