we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
