she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
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why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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