I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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