11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
