It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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