Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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