Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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