what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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