my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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