It's Friday. Sex?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
