it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My pussy is not your playground.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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