He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
we should paint friendship bongs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
