I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
