he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
