My hand turned me down
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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