I need help removing her.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
