my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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