we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
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