nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
