that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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