I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
