I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
my poor anus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
