remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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