all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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