I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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