can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
