Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
