The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize