woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
