Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
