If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
only you would photoshop your dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
