I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
