I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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