So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
