hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
