got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
