They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
