i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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