i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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