Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
