I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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