You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
