Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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