she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
