I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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