I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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