Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
