I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
