we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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