dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
