ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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