too bad you live with your parents still
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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