I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
