i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
