I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
