he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
