The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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