i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
