you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
