why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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