Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
