I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
