I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
