I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
