No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
