so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
