So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You ate ashes out of my bong
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
