Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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