I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
