Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have post one night stand depression
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