I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
