if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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