I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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