I want to stick my p in your. b.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
