this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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