don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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